When I was young, I had always assumed I would be happily married to my soul mate, and, one day, I would my own family at my current age (early forties). Unfortunately, life didn’t meet my expectations, making me feel very unhappy, rejected and not worthy for a long time. Especially when I hit forty, my self-esteem was crushed, I was heart-broken and my zest for life watered down. I realized that marriage and having your own children were definitely a past station. I managed to pick myself up, knowing life is too precious to let grief overshadow it any longer. I’m in the process of letting go of old dreams and pain, and opening up to life again. I want to be happy and live a fulfilled life.
Craving for sustainable change, I’ve come to be a fan of Joe Dispenza and his neuro plasticity research. I tried to apply his approach. However, crossing the river of change is scary and very uncomfortable. Doubt teased me often. A year ago, I started working with a life coach to work on the inside. Fear for the unknown has been a major issue in my life. So many of my decisions didn’t work out that I was afraid to bark upon new roads even though my heart told me to go for it.
My coach asked me to explore self-love. Self love doesn’t come natural to me. I was always critical and hard on myself. I don’t even think I ever really loved myself. I think self-love is really the basis of our life and the food for our soul. Self love is an inside job. No one can do it for you nor can you buy it. Maybe that’s why it’s so hard. Working on the outside it easier. It’s as if life knows what I need now, I stumbled upon a book that spook to me, Love yourself like your life depends on it by Kamal Ravikant. He managed to rewire his brain by using the phrase ‘I love myself’. I’m going to apply his approach. For once, I’m going to ignore my critical voice and feelings and just do the work.